Day 15: Holding the Work While the World Burns

It has been a minute since I posted a direct journal entry about the actual progress of the feature we have been casting.

That was not accidental.

Lately, the way this phase wants to be documented is closer to journal notes than a shaped essay. I am taking a tip from Jennifer Esposito on this one. Literal thoughts. Real time documentation. Less polish, more immediacy.

Some of what is happening right now lives better in audio than on the page. That is partly why I am starting an audio journal next week for more candid, non PC, or maybe industry correct conversations that do not translate cleanly to writing. Keep an eye out for that.

What felt like mud when we went out to A list talent only got compounded by the holidays. My goodness, that stretch was challenging beyond words. And no, I cannot say we are suddenly in some wildly different position now.

One thing I did not fully take into account when I started this docu journal is this.

Not everyone gives a shit about making movies.
Not everyone gives a shit about me making movies.

Both are real. Both are true.

And yet this journal has become an integral part of how I navigate the world as a creative. It connects me to people inside the industry, outside of it, and more importantly, back to myself.

I will not lie. Lately, the steady culmination of my life and career, paired with the very real sense that the world is edging toward something catastrophic, feels like a sick third act in an action movie I did not see coming.

A steady drip of creative blood.
Reinvesting income back into the dream.
Rejections. Support. Highs. Lows.
All while the planet feels like it is inching toward chaos on a scale humanity has never experienced.

What concerns me most is how many people seem to be calmly playing their instrument on the Titanic while I am internally screaming.

And yet, even in that state, I keep playing my own instrument. Filmmaking.

In my more distorted moments, I imagine editing this movie while bombs are dropping, not even realizing it. I see myself rushing to set up a screening, desperate to get it on the screen. And when the film finally starts, I look around and there is nothing left. Just ash. Silence. Absence.

It is an image that has haunted me for a while now. It makes me question everything.

So, with that incredibly disturbing admission out of the way, let me pivot and get practical.

Taking another page from Jennifer Esposito, whose film Fresh Kills I recently watched and found deeply inspiring, what stayed with me most was not the plot mechanics, but the restraint. The confidence to let tension accumulate quietly, without forcing urgency before it earned its place.

Fresh Kills, written and directed by Jennifer Esposito.

Here we go.

• The holidays were rough. I was truly hoping to have at least one cast member locked before the year ended.
• January 15 arrived without that milestone.
• We just heard back from an offer sent November 22. They passed.
• Honestly, hearing back at all felt like a win. That is the game. Respect, professionalism, and basic decency count as progress.
• What did I do during the holidays. I kept the tempo on three other projects.
• Do what you can with what you have. Strategize until you are drunk on it.

To keep this organized, I am going to name the projects.

The first is the thriller. You know that one.

The second is the murder case. This is a true story I have been developing for years with the individual at the center of it. Last December, I brought the project to a longtime friend and actor who I felt would deeply resonate with the material.

Since that first conversation, we have taken trips to the South, done countless script revisions, and built something quietly and steadily.

And now she is attached as the lead.
The script is officially out for consideration.
And last night we got bananas news.

Bananas is code for good. If you ever get bananas news, that is a win.

The irony is not lost on me. One project pushes through mud with a full team and moves at a snail’s pace. Another quietly gains momentum, as if the song it is playing was already written and just needed to be heard.

Take this as some form of lesson that is never really taught.

Please understand when to focus all attention and when to spread out.

I learned this decades ago. Have multiple projects going at the same time. Not in a chaotic way. Not in a duct tape and superglue way. But in a way that creates genuine opportunity in multiple directions.

The irony is that succeeding in this business requires an all in personality. Real conviction. True tunnel vision. Serious signal versus noise discipline.

And at the same time, it requires the internal ability to spread out. Wide. As wide as the ocean. That is where opportunity actually lives.

Holding both at once is the work.

Two additional NonDé films are also in development. Each has its own daily friction, its own pacing, its own gravity. I am still figuring out how to journal them properly.

What I do know is this.

I have a lot of plates in the air.
Multiple plates. Actively spinning.

Will I accomplish my goals before the world implodes. Your guess is as good as mine.

But I am here for it.

Walk with me.